Going Home...

As much as I always get excited to visit my home state, I can't say as I'm looking forward to our trip tomorrow. The boys and I will be making the trek to Marshfield, Wisconsin where we will spend some quality time with my daddy. My goal is to make him smile and take his mind off of the fact that he has been given news so grave that I can barely bring myself to type it. This man, made of incredible positivity and crude, wild humor, has been told to prepare for only a few months left on this earth. 

Terminal. Malignant. Inoperable. Words that I can not quite bare to utter. 

These words have been used to describe what is happening inside his frail body. I've never thought of dad as frail. He isn't a big man, but was always larger than life in my eyes. But his liver has finally checked out after many, many years of living a bit too wild. He cleaned up his act, just a little too late. 

Tomorrow, we will set out on a 12 hour drive and I will be forced to make the kind of decisions that I was sure I had years to prepare myself for. But we can do this, because that's how we're built. Daddy always taught me to 'maintain', only fret about the things you can control, and more than anything, make the most of today. We will do that. In the meantime, prayers for his comfort and my strength would be greatly appreciated. 

Back to School Fun and the Botox Blues

Warm muffins are resting on the counter.
Backpacks are ready to go.
Uniforms are ironed.
Two not so little boys are having a hard time sleeping tonight. They are beyond excited about embarking on this new middle school journey bright and early ... and I do mean early ... in the morning.
I am still baffled at where the time went and how these young men grew so quickly but I am so very proud of them.
Max is stoked about Creative Dramatics, which is a film/video class, totally appropriate.
Porter is thrilled to meet new CLUE kids (talented and gifted class) AND he is in orchestra with his favorite strings teacher!
Aside from the fact that I am nervous and emotionally drained, I LOVE the first day of school. Just the thought of it brings to my senses, the smell of new pencils, the feel of new clothes and that unmistakable feeling of fear mixed with excitement. A fresh new start ... I LOVE it!
For these boys, I really believe it is going to be a great year.

Now, onto the big boy.
The last Botox injection (to treat his Palatal Myoclonus) lasted a blissful 6 weeks, not the anticipated 3 months.
We got great news that we could stay closer to home as there is actually a doc that does these palate injections in Memphis!!
We wait the month and a half for the appointment only to find not only that the doc isn't in our plan, the precertification never happened.
Lots of phone calls to doctors offices and insurance reps, another 6 weeks and finally ... Joel got the injections on Monday. Woo hoo!!!
The relief wasn't as immediate as the last time around, but the popping seemed to taper off to a comfortable level within a few days. And we thought he was really on the way to feeling great.
And then... he started noticing difficulty drinking ... liquids tend to go 'up' before going down ... drinks coming out of his nose is a cool party trick but not desirable :-/  And then he started to notice a bit of a speech impediment. The more he talks, the worse it gets and it frustrates him to NO end.

These are all side effects we knew we could face, we even saw videos of people with the 'dysphasia' and knew that this could be part of the future but I guess because the first one was met with zero downside with the exception of the short lived-ness ... we expected smooth sailing.

The upside - it's not a forever thing. This should only last a week or so. Fingers crossed.

It's just a bump. We are so blessed that we have healthy kiddos and while this is a miserable disorder, it could be SO much worse. But at the moment it is crazy frustrating and not great for that boy's mood ... or patience.

So... for those of you who speak to him daily, No, he hasn't been drinking ... the slurred speech just means that the Botox is doing it's thing. And if you have a moment, send him a word of encouragement or two ... he could use them :-)

Standby for first day pics!!

I won't cry... I won't cry...

Surrounded by piles of laundry in need of folding, a kitchen counter littered with leftovers in need of putting away and a cozy bed calling my name, I can do nothing but think about yesterday and tomorrow.

Many yesterdays ago ... 11 years of them ... my belly was giantly huge and tiny hand and foot prints were visible as busy twins pressed against their cramped quarters while hatching their early escape plan. I was so excited to meet them! And I experience that moment all over with just a simple thought. Max came first.

"He's perfect," was all I could say. It took an entire 30 minutes before Porter decided he was ready to make his presence known. (He still is hard to get out of bed in the morning.) But when he did, I marvelled at his precious face with sweet features that at the time seemed to mirror his twin.

My love for them grew with every breath and I'd drink in their sweet baby scent and let it fuel me through sleepless nights.

We were parents! And I fell in love with Joel more and more as I watched him grow as a father.

They grew at lightning speed. They became tiny people who may have shared a womb but were clearly so different from one another with strong personalities.

They matched our wits and taught us more about ourselves than we had ever expected.

We grew into parenthood and watched as they grew past toddlerhood and into that pre-tween stage. 

Where did the time go? 

We have packed up Thomas the Tank Engine and all of his 'very useful' friends.
We have set aside the baby books and the Matchbox cars.
We've made room for desks to accomodate computers and study space and traded in Power Ranger walkie talkies for cell phones.

In less than two weeks, they turn 11.
Tomorrow, I will send them off for thier last day of elementary school and try hard not to cry. It won't work, but I'll try. I am just in awe. As my mom would say, my cup runneth over.  I would be lying if I said I weren't a bit scared of middle school. My memories of 6th grade are clouded by being a new kid in a very new place, having just left all I knew in rural Wisconsin for a bustling Houston suburb.  They will only be moving down the street a bit along with many of their friends. They are excited for this adventure and I love their gusto!

So here goes, world ... Max and Porter are middle schoolers. I am the mom of 6th graders. (That hurt, just a little.)